I've decided to move on from this chapter in my life and discontinue posting in this blog. The archives will still be here for any who can find some value in the information.
All future posts will be at http://afitplace.blogspot.com
Once again, it's been a long time since I've written.
Mostly, that's a good thing. The things that I was so absorbed with before, depression, health, lack of motivation, are pretty much background noise now. I'm focused on eating healthy, working out, staying positive (still a struggle sometimes... maybe I'm just a natural pessimist, lol), and trying to get the things I need to do done.
Updates on stuff:
Depression: It started to dissipate after I got on Armour last year, and within a couple months I was cutting back on my antidepressant pretty dramatically. I went from the max dose of 450mg of Wellbutrin XL to 300mg to 150mg. That part wasn't hard, but for some reason I got stuck at 150mg for a long time. I tried to get off it twice, but within a week each time I was miserable, bitchy, and a broken down teary mess. After a month of CrossFit, I found that I was getting a huge mood boost from working out that intensely so I decided 2 weeks ago that I'd give it another go. I still have a couple weeks to go until I know for sure, but I haven't noticed too much of a difference yet. I'm feeling pretty positive that I'll be able to get off it this time. So... my depression? Basically gone. If I feel myself getting into a mood I'm usually able to figure out what's causing it and fix the problem. Most often it's that I'm eating crap or just not doing anything productive. Those have easy fixes. The not-so-easy-to-fix stuff is usually situational and I can talk myself through it. I'm glad to be able to say that after almost 9 years of sometimes debilitating depression, I'm basically recovered. There were definitely times I never though I'd see the day!
Thyroid: I've been on one grain of Armour for about a year and a half (?). At times, my lab results were 'unfavorable' by my doctor's standards (super low TSH) but she did allow me to stay on it. As of my last labs about a month ago, things looked favorable to her. I didn't get the exact numbers but will do that at my visit in March. I go mostly by how I feel and I haven't noticed any thyroid related things jumping out of me, so I'm going with it. I do eventually hope to get off the thyroid medication because I believe that most of my problem was caused by poor diet and overall health and I think I can correct that with a balanced diet and supplementation with iodine. For right now, though, I'm feeling good where I'm at and I want to stick with it until I get fit and lose some weight.
Hormones/PCOS: I am not taking any hormones at this time (except thyroid of course). I learned some stuff from my experience with Hormones by Hart but mostly it was that hormones are the hot new thing to tinker with and most of the people doing the tinkering are out for your money. I know some stuff is still out of balance in that area, especially considering the PCOS aspect, but I'm hoping to correct that with a good, clean, low insulin impact diet and lots of exercise. PCOS-wise, I feel fairly stable. I'm noticing a little bit more hair growth which is always disconcerting. Yeah, I'm disappointed with that and it indicates to me that I probably caught my PCOS early and will continue to see a worsening of symptoms. I'm holding out hope, though, that I can achieve a state of health where my lab results return to normal and most of my symptoms slow and eventually stop. I know a couple people on the PCOS forum that have had that happen and they achieved it through a clean diet and getting fit. I refuse to be a victim of PCOS, like so many women resort to being, and I'm fighting to regain good health. So, PCOS can fuck off.
Insulin resistance: I haven't had labs drawn in quite awhile, but I've gotten to a point where I have a routine with my meals and snacks and can recognize when I'm not eating properly. Most of the time I can catch a low blood sugar episode before it gets dangerous (meaning, before I turn into a raging emotional monster and start feeling like shit). During the weekdays my meals are pretty consistent and look something like this:
Breakfast: whey protein shake with whole milk or 1/2 c oatmeal with cottage cheese/fruit
Snack: 1/2 c cottage cheese and meat or fruit or a few crackers
Lunch: dinner leftovers. Usually meat and a vegetable, or sometimes a carb like a sweet potato
before work out meal/snack: a small portion of dinner or a glass of milk and a piece of fruit
Dinner: a nice big portion of meat (4 to 8 ounces, depending), veg, and maybe a carb like a small portion of sweet potato.
I still need to work more veg into my diet. As it is, we have some type of non-starchy veg at least 3 times a week. The weekends are less and less frequently turning into a free-for-all. We've been making breakfasts at home pretty often and I'll usually eat a couple larger meals instead of smaller meals and snacks.
Weight: I've lost about 6 lbs since I started CrossFit 6 weeks ago. Before that, I did a 12 week Body for Life challenge and didn't lose anything. I am struggling a little with watching the scale go down so slowly, but at the same time I'm know I'm building strength and getting more fit. I'd like to minimize the amount of muscle I lose as my weight goes down and I know that must be done slowly. As long as the scale is consistently going down (and not up!) I'm trying my best to be satisfied with what I'm achieving. At this rate I'll lose most of what I have to take off by the end of this year. Slower than I'd like, of course, but I'll take it. The rate of loss should increase a little as I further refine my diet, too.
Job: Boring, pays good, no customers, good enough for me!
Motivation: Well, things are usually still a mess at our house, but I do make more of an effort to do dishes on a semi-regular basis and pick some stuff up before it gets too filthy. More and more often I'm dissatisfied with the organization and cleanliness of our house, and I think that's a good thing.... some progress at least. Before I was always just like, "fuck it" but at least being dissatisfied with things leads to change.
Overall, things are pretty good. I feel like I'm at a point where achieving my goals and good health is within reach. We still have some rough days, like anyone else, and there's still plenty to work on. But for anyone who may be reading this and is feeling discouraged and hopeless about the state of your life and health, things can improve if you keep at it.
No, I'm not talking about a New Year's resolution. I hate New Year's resolutions.
I'm reformatting my computer. Sometime in the last couple weeks I picked up some nasties and besides, I'm due for some computer housekeeping anyway. Hopefully all will go as planned. I work on a laptop that's about 7 years old and has already been through a hard drive. My husband lovingly resurrected it last year and it's been doing pretty well ever since. But lots of internet surfing, downloading, and no AV protection eventually takes it's toll.
We had a pretty good Christmas here. Very quiet, but we both made out pretty well in the presents department. Honestly, while I like getting new stuff, I could pretty much care less about the presents aspect of things. We don't go super crazy or anything, but the last several Christmases have been a little disappointing so we went all out this year. We are also planning on really cutting back next year so we can pay off lots of debt, so it was nice to have a little blowout before things turn bleak.
I got 3 books I've really wanted, a TNF rain jacket, 2 cast iron pans, an ice cream maker, a new mouse, some dark chocolate, a zester, a little flashlight, a new headlamp, some socks, some pens and highlighters, new nail clippers, and some stuff I think I'm forgetting.
I got Aaron a new backpack, a TNF rain jacket, a new mouse pad, a peecee game, some manly parfum, a new headlamp, and lots of candy. From his parents he got a really nice fly pole, case and reel.
The last couple years we just both decided what we wanted and bought it. No tree, no decorations, no surprises. So this year was refreshing.
Anyway, hopefully I'll be back soon, assuming everything goes as planned with the reformat.
We have so much snow!
It started snowing yesterday morning, and by the time I got home from work yesterday we had about a foot. As of right now we have maybe 26" of accumulation. The news people are saying that you shouldn't even try to go out unless you have four wheel drive. Luckily we do!
I woke up early this morning, got dressed in my snow pants and boots and went out to shovel. Our street hadn't been plowed yet, but I thought since the snow was very powdery that I could probably force my way out to the main street and make it to work.
After I got the car shoveled out and started backing out into the street I got stuck. By the time we got my car unstuck, I was late for work. Luckily, one of the few friends I have from work let me know that they cancelled work today and sent people home. I'm so thankful because, aside from the fact that it's totally dangerous out there right now, I have more occurances at work than I've ever had because of the holiday and being sick afterwards. I heard that we're getting paid for today, too, which is more great news. I'm waiting to hear back about possibly having tomorrow off, too.
So it's an adult snow day, which isn't nearly as fun as snow days as a kid. When you're an adult you don't have Mom waiting for you with hot chocolate when you come in from the snow. But, I'll take it!
In other news, I had my thyroid levels tested last week and they came back 'normal'. That's fine with me because I'm feeling pretty good and I'm happy to continue on the dose of Armour I'm on now. I'll get the actual numbers at my next appointment in March.
It's hard to believe Christmas is next week already! I think we'll take some pictures of our house and tree tonight and maybe I'll post those this weekend.
I should probably get off my butt and get more shoveling done. I think they plowed the street, which is what I was waiting for... gotta clear the berm from the driveway *sigh*.... at least I'll get a workout.
It's been a long time since I've posted over here! Most of the action (though it's still not much!) has been happening at the fitness blog.
I've just been working, working out, recovering from the flu/a cold, and cooking, etc.
I had a follow up doctor's appointment yesterday. She drew blood to check my thyroid levels (she ordered FT3 at my request... yay!) and just asked how I was doing. Really, I'm doing pretty good! Depression is rarely a problem, my moods are fairly stable, periods are pretty regular... I have been noticing a slight increase in hair growth (not the ones on my head, either!) but I'm working hard in the gym and will be cleaning up my diet soon, and losing some weight and getting my hormones in control should take care of that. I hope. I really do not want to add any more prescriptions meds.
Hopefully something exciting and good will happen soon so I'll have something to write about!
It's probably time for an update.
Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot to update on.
I'm feeling pretty good most days. I'm doing okay with my eating plan, and doing not so bad with my exercise plan. I'm taking my supplements, and I've lost a little bit of weight.
October 17th we had to put our cat Beno to sleep. He was very sick, but I think we were able to catch things before he really suffered. We miss him a lot... he was a good boy.
Part 1 can be found here.
UPDATE 1/3/10: December 29th, 2008 I received a phone call from Ron Grossman. The very short version is that he apologized for my experience with the billing from Quest labs and then asked me if I would consider removing this posting. After much consideration, I've decided to leave the posting as is. While I appreciate the apology(even though it's a year and a half late), I stand behind everything I wrote about my experience with Dr. Hart's workshop. As a consumer I like to make informed choices, especially when it comes to laying out hundreds of dollars. I believe that the detailed information of my experience with the workshop will help women make an informed choice about if they want to be involved with other programs Dr. Hart may offer.
As I have stated in the original posting, I believe that Dr. Hart is extremely knowledgeable in her field, very personable, and has the power to help a lot of women. Despite a little disappointment with the workshop itself, my main complaint about my experience was the way in which my billing concerns were handled. Or rather, the way in which I was ignored for months before they got taken care of.
I would encourage Dr. Hart and Mr. Grossman to set a standard for any future business endeavors to provide patients with the same level of common courtesy and respect one might expect to receive from a professional organization. This would include expecting their employees to return phone calls, answer letters or direct them to the appropriate parties, making a timely effort to resolve billing disputes, and proper attention to patient issues from management when it is warranted.
Edit: I just noticed that the program seems to have changed. It's now called 'Hormone House Calls'. Seems to be the same format except your only contact with Dr. Hart will be two ninety minute phone calls. The information suggests that the rest of your care will be handled by 'specially trained hormone nurses'.
This is a long post, but I would highly encourage you to read the whole thing if you are considering attending one of Dr. Hart's workshops or becoming involved with one of her programs.
First things first. Dr. Hart is very knowledgeable about hormones and weight loss. I really and truly believe in The IR Diet, and that bioidentical hormones are far superior to synthetics. This post is not to try to discredit Dr. Hart in any way.
But, I do believe that people should know that my experience with Hormones by Hart has been terribly frustrating, a huge inconvenience, and overall a big waste of my time. Her operation quite nearly damaged my credit, all as a result of complacency on the part of the people in charge of Hormones by Hart (Cheryle Hart is the CEO and Ron Grossman is the COO), along with a general disregard for basic customer service standards, such as returning phone calls. These are things I would have definitely wanted to know before I handed over my hard earned money, because no matter how skilled someone is at what they do, a poorly run operation is frustrating for everyone involved.
In February I attended one of Dr. Hart's free introductory seminars because, as I've talked about at length in my blog, I have experienced hormone problems for quite some time and I was pretty sure I also had a degree of insulin resistance. The seminar lasted an hour or two, during which time Dr. Hart presented information about hormones and insulin resistance, and why bioidenticals are a better choice than synthetics. Dr. Hart is a dynamic speaker, and she keeps you involved with the presentation. It's hard not to like her.
So, this is the deal... At the end of the presentation, she presents the workshop offerings and the costs of the workshop. This is where the time pressure sales tactics begin. At the time I attended the workshop she was offering 3 workshop packages: Three Sisters of Menopause, Hormones of Metabolism, Energy and Stress, and the Combination Package. An enrollment form is handed out before she begins presenting the workshops and it has the following prices on it:
Three Sisters of Menopause: Value = $1031 Price = $895 Day of Seminar Offer = (blank)
Hormones of Metabolism, Energy & Stress: Value = $1419 Price $1195 Day of Seminar Offer = (blank)
Combination Package: Value = $2450 Price $2090 Day of Seminar Offer = (blank)
Then she goes over each of the workshops with you, detailing what is included in each package, and then she presents the 'day of seminar' price. So, by the time the average person has looked at the information they are sticker shocked and are quite glad to think they are getting a 'discount'. The prices when I attended were as follows:
Three Sisters: $545
Metabolism, Energy, and Stress: $745
Combo: $1085
But, that's not all. If those prices are still not affordable for you, she offers a payment plan:
Three Sisters: 2 payments of $297.50 ($595)
M.E.S.: 2 payments of $397.50 ($795)
Combo: 3 payments of $397.50 ($1192.50)
Since I am only in my twenties and still have my uterus and ovaries, I was not eligible to attend the Three Sisters of Menopause workshop, so I had the Metabolism, Energy, and Stress one in my sights. At the time of my first introductory seminar I didn't have an extra $745 laying around, so I went home and came up with a plan. Oh, and in case you are wondering, many health insurance companies don't cover much, if any, of the costs involved with the workshop. Some do, I've heard, but they seem few and far between.
Anyway, the financial details of how I got the money to attend the workshop are not really relevant to what I'm trying to achieve here, but I'll throw them for the sake of the story... I worked overtime at work, about 50 hours over the course of a month and a half, so that I could afford the workshop without affecting our regular budget.
Then, in order to get the 'lower' price for the workshop, I attended another introductory seminar and signed up that night. When you sign up you are given a packet of information, a lab requisition form, and both of Dr. Hart's books (The Feel-Good Diet and The Insulin Resistance Diet). You are supposed to have your labs drawn 2 weeks before your scheduled workshop date, which I did.
About a week before my workshop was scheduled to take place I got a call from Dr. Hart's office. It seems they weren't able to find my lab results. I told the girl on the phone the date I had them done and she asked if I'd had them done with Lab Corp. The question confused me because my lab requisition was for Quest Labs and I was under the impression that was who Dr. Hart's office was using. When I told her this, the girl quickly said "okay, thanks" and hung up.
The day before the workshop I was scheduled to go in for a metabolic activity test. This test measures how many calories per minute you are burning of carbs and fat at which heart rate by collecting data from a mask and heart rate monitor. They also took my weight, body fat percentage, and lean muscle mass using a Tanita scale.
The next day was the workshop. I was surprised when I got there that there were so many ladies in attendance. I was told at both seminars I had attended that class sizes were between 20 and 30 people. There were easily 45 ladies at the workshop that day, and the seats were packed in close together. At each place there was a folder containing several worksheets, a couple packets and several photocopied pages and booklets. Then one of the assitants passed out our lab work.
At this point details are blurry through most of the day. Dr. Hart went over some information and some of the worksheets, then she addressed each of the hormones one by one, explaining how they affect your body and mood, and how to decide which hormones you want to adjust based on your labs and the 'optimal ranges' for those hormones, which she provides.
This part of the workshop was very confusing for me. Not because I had a hard time understanding the effects of the hormones, but because some of the labs I had drawn at Quest contradicted the same labs I had drawn at PAML the very same morning. For example, based on the Quest labs and Dr. Hart's optimal ranges for testosterone, I would benefit from taking testosterone. BUT, because of the PCOS (which was being diagnosed during the time of the workshop), I already have high levels of androgens in my body, wreaking havoc in ways women shouldn't have to experience, and my better judgement told me I didn't want more androgens floating around. (I found out later that between the time I signed up in March and the date of the workshop, Hormones by Hart switched from using Quest Labs to Lab Corp. I got uneasy when I found this out, and as I found out later my fear was valid... )
During the workshop there is some, but relatively little, time available to cover individual questions, especially with the large class we had. This is indicative of the lack of individualized care you can expect from the experience with Dr. Hart. [I was able to talk to her one on one twice. The first time I explained that I was confused about the conflicting lab results, and the second time she looked at my labs personally, and I got about 5 minutes with her (while a huge line formed). This was after the workshop ended.]
Near the end of the workshop, Dr. Hart goes over the costs associated with ongoing consultations and lab tests. Once again, she uses time pressure sales tactics to present this aspect of the program.
The first sheet she hands out details the consultation and lab fees:
Hormone adjustment consultation: $50.
Lab results consultation: $50
6 month evaluation for prescription renewal (required to continue therapy through HbH): $150.
Extended consultation with Dr. Hart: $350/hr (!!!!!)
The sheet goes on to list the lab fees for each test. I won't list them here... if you've had labs covered by insurance before and got the bill in the mail you know many hormone tests are expensive.
BUT, that's not the end of the presentation. After shell shocking you with the out-of-pocket costs for ongoing treatment with Hormones by Hart, Dr. Hart has yet another program to present to you.
This is called the Maven follow-up program, and it's a minimum 6 month commitment. It's multi-tiered and kind of extensive so I've scanned the information in rather than typing it out. Once again, this program time pressure sales tactics associated with it. I only wrote down the silver 'buy today' price because the rest were too expensive for me to consider and to be honest, I was getting disgusted and disillusioned at this point. Click on the picture below to see a larger version.
I actually filled out the order form for the lowest priced program and turned it in. As I was walking out the door I changed my mind and went back and tore up the form. I'm glad I did, because what I've experienced since then has infuriated me.
Before I move on to the most telling part of the story, I want to quickly finish up with my workshop experience.
At the end of the workshop I was able to speak with Dr. Hart for a couple minutes one on one. She looked over my lab results and told me these things, which I already knew from my own research and from talking to my doctor: that my labs were typical for a young woman with PCOS, that I was insulin resistant and would probably benefit from metformin, and that she agreed with my opinion that I should not take testosterone.
That was it. All stuff I already knew.
So, walking out of the workshop I was definitely disappointed. By the time I left the workshop that day, I was ready to be done with the idea I'd had in my mind that the workshop with Dr. Hart would be the key to my recovery and that by following her advice I would rid myself of hormonal troubles and excess weight.
I think a lot of women who attend the workshops are disillusioned this way. A lot, but not all. The majority of us have had trouble getting our own doctors to listen to our hormone woes and we are thankful that here, finally, is a doctor that understands and has the answer! I felt this way and I saw on a lot of women's faces that same feeling of relief. The truth is that Dr. Hart has helped a lot of women feel better, and I think that is great. Honestly. But I also think that a lot of women leave the workshop feeling like I did. Especially those of us for whom the costs of ongoing treatment are not practical. There is a lot of information in the workshop that is valuable, but a large part of it also feels like the hard sell.
However, I want to make it clear that by the time the workshop was over and I was feeling a little let down, I also felt a sense of relief. Walking out, I was ready to leave my hopefulness about Dr. Hart's program behind and do the hard work on my own. Leaving the workshop that day, I was disappointed in my personal experience, but not regretful or sorry I had paid for and experienced it.
It's important that I make that clear, because it would be easy to assume that because I was disappointed in my experience with Dr. Hart's program that I want to defame her. But, as you will see, from here on my problems with Hormones by Hart have nothing to do with my experience at the workshop.
(By the way, one last note about the program.... it is definitely set up more for older ladies than for young women. If you are a young woman suspecting hormonal problems you may well benefit from some aspects of the workshop, but not so much as peri, post, or menopausal women.)
I think my complaint with Hormones by Hart would best be summed up by posting the complaint I filed with the Better Business Bureau. There are more details than are listed in my complaint because the BBB has a set character limit, but the basics are here:
Basically, my disgust for my experience with Hormones by Hart lies in the general state of disorganization that the company seems to be in. This is evidenced in not only my experience with the Quest billing situation, but also in several mailings I've received from the office since the workshop. They have sent me prescriptions for metformin and a glucose monitor/strips/lancets, with no explanation as to why I was getting the prescription, especially since I'd already told Dr. Hart that my doctor was taking care of those things for me. I have received invoices that appeared to be bills at first glance (which nearly gave me a heart attack), but were actually supposed to be reimbursement forms. Things just thrown in an envelope with no letter accompanying them to explain what the intention was.
I also participated in a conference call program with The Insulin Resistance Diet (before the workshop) where we were told when we signed up that certain things would be included, only to find out later that they were not. I've heard people involved with different programs offered by Dr. Hart complain about having a difficult time getting ahold of anyone at the organization when they had questions about a product or difficulties with their order. There is also this complaint from last April about another product Dr. Hart markets... something called a Thigh Design System. I saw this after I'd already signed up for the workshop and wished I could get my money back because it just gave me a bad feeling about things in general.
Here's the deal. I can handle disorganization and I find inefficiency to be irritating, but I am willing to put up with these things if I am truly benefitting from what someone is offering. In this case, the inconvenience was so great that I regret much of the total experience. If I could do it over again, I would not give my money to this company.
One thing I absolutely refuse to deal with, and the thing that makes me madder than hell is when a company refuses to show any concern for me as a customer/patient, especially when they can remedy the situation by taking responsibility for their mistake.
It is absolutely negligent to allow a customer/patients credit to be threatened (I had 30 days left before Quest was going to report me to the credit bureau) because of a dispute that has nothing to do with the patient. Especially when they could have easily remedied the situation by transferring the balance to their Quest account, thus taking me completely out of the equation.
On 9/23 I got this email from the accounting supervisor
your bill has been paid. I have been laid off since the first of August so
there has been nothing done with it. Our COO would not let me pay for it before
because of the billing errors on it. It has been paid anyway with check #
xxxx.
So, basically, Ron Grossman (the COO) refused to pay the bill even though he
damn well knew (because I sent the CEO a certified letter about the
situation) that my credit was being threatened as a result of their negligence. Additionally, in the correspondence I received through the BBB, he claims that the accounting supervisor had 'been on vacation', where she clearly told me she had been laid off.
Quest told me that all they would've had to do was transfer the balance on my account over to theirs while they tried to resolve the billing dispute. This could've easily been done with a phone call, saving me $20 worth of certified letters and a whole lot of aggravation and stress.
As of now (actually about a week ago) my claim with the BBB has been 'resolved' and I'm now carrying a zero balance with Quest.
And through all of this, Hormones by Hart never initiated any communication with me regarding the issue. All inquiries were from me to them, and many of those went unanswered.
As a result of my experience, I would never recommend this business, or anything affiliated with them to another person. Other business entities registered by Cheryle Hart and Ron Grossman are: Wellness Workshop, Hormone Harmony, Crania Company (manufacturers of CraniYums), Bodywell Design (that's for the thigh deal I believe), and Women's Workshop Health Salon & Spa. There may be others, but those are the ones registered with the BBB. ]
Ultimately, if you've stumbled across this post searching for information, the decision is up to you. But I believe there are other resources available to most women, and for a much more reasonable price than you will be charged by Hormones by Hart. Start by checking with your local compounding pharmacist to see who prescribes bioidentical hormones in your area. Also, Susanne Somers has some books available with great information about bioidenticals.
I will gladly answer anyone's questions about my experience... please email me at smashingdawna a t hotmail do t com!
Life is chugging along, as life tends to do.
Diet and exercise is going pretty well... all those boring details can be found at the other blog (see sidebar). I'm over a week into being sugar free and it's been going alright but I did have some cravings today. I think that was mostly because I didn't have enough protein with my lunch.
The situation with Hormones by Hart has finally been resolved. It only took them 4 months.... I've typed up a big long post about the whole situation and I want to post that soon, I just need to finish it. It's been sitting in my drafts since last Wednesday. I know people land here as a result of searching for 'Hormones by Hart' and I want everyone to know what a pain in the ass the experience was for me. I hope to finish that and get it posted tomorrow.
This weekend we are going to visit the in-laws. Aaron's mom was admitted to the hospital last week, where they discovered a clot in her lung. They were able to dissolve it with blood thinners but now she's on oxygen. At this point, we just don't know what's going to happen or how long she has left. The whole situation is very difficult. Needless to say, the atmosphere in our house can be gloomy at times and we've had a couple really tough days. I am trying to be supportive and understanding, but the reality is that I've never gone through something like this and I'm struggling in finding the most effective way to be supportive.
Other than that it's just day to day. Work, cook, exercise, sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Today I walked 5k for the Komen Race for the Cure. My friend from work, her daughter, and I finished in 1:00:05. Not too shabby. However, next year I decided I'm going to run it.
I was pretty amazed to see that by the time we were about 3/4 mile into the race, some of the runners were already on their way back! I want to be one of those people next year... I think I can do it. I just have to try.
It's been a long, semi-depressing weekend. Nothing I want to get into here, but I'll just say that I really struggle when Aaron's gone. I didn't eat well, I didn't do much, I've just been generally depressed.
In my fitness blog I talked about my food plan, and tomorrow is day 1 without sugar. I'll take a week to get the sugars out, and then the following week I'll eliminate refined flour products (whole grains only). Then, 11/1 I am going to limit my carbs to the portions laid out in The IR Diet. I'm hoping with that I'll see some weight loss. I sure haven't seen any yet and my diet this weekend sure hasn't helped.
I feel yucky right now... probably time to go.
Oh, BTW... Hi Karmen!
Earlier this week while at work, I remembered a conversation I had with my old manager from The Copy Shop. I'll call her Brenda The Soulless Bitch. This entry will give a little insight as to what was going on in my life at the time.
I didn't write about it then, but I was in a one-on-one meeting with The Soulless Bitch and we were talking about career aspirations, or some other such stupid dialogue large corporations require managers to engage their employees in to make them feel like they have a future at the company and are valued. Pretty much every employee with half a brain who has worked at one of these shitty companies knows that it's a bullshit tactic and a huge waste of time.
One of the bullshit 'meeting questions' was "what about your job makes you get out of bed in the morning?" and I honestly said, "right now, nothing."
I think she then proceeded to ask me what kind of job I wanted to have and I said something to the effect of, "I'd really like to work somewhere that I don't have to deal with the public, where I have a regular day-shift schedule, and I can just be left alone to do my job."
Soulless Bitch then said, "those types of jobs don't exist".
No shit?
Well, I found my no public contact, regular day shift schedule, I'm left the fuck alone all damn day job....
And Brenda got fired.
That's me. I am not asking for sympathy.
But honestly, I have no friends. I know a lot of that is my own doing. For the last several years I have chosen to spend time by myself rather than with other people.
I have failed to nurture friendships (when did that become such a chore, anyway?). I don't call people... I don't email. There was a period of time when I would politely (and sometimes not so much) decline all invitations. I have been extremely self-absorbed and it's only now that I'm beginning to realize the full extent of that. Gee, it only took me 4 or 5 years!
So, eventually people stop calling. They stop inviting. And I totally understand.
But I don't know what to do about it. Maybe I am just going through a transition.
Today I went to a friend's house (one of the few I have, and still don't talk to on a regular basis because I suck) and made corn dollies, which was fun. But I can't help but notice how my opinions are shifting on so many things. Politics, morals, and even my spiritual leanings have shifted. For the first time in years I feel so un-witchy and just out of touch with my pagan friends. I sat in a semi-horrified state today as a friend tried to explain three-way relationships to her pre-teen, who clearly did not understand why anyone would want to do something like that. I have silently hoped for days that no one would bring up any political topics because I didn't feel like dealing with it. I am changing... sometimes I am grateful, other times I am just frustrated.
Sometimes I really want friends. I miss hanging out with other women, and then there are times when I am reminded of why I stay away. I've written in the past about parties where people have jumped my shit because they didn't agree with my diet (in that particular situation I wasn't even having a conversation with this person), or they were absolutely insistent that you are never completely ready for a baby, which I agree with... But why in the hell does a divorced mother who had a child very young, who constantly bitches about what an asshole her ex husband is, who is always talking about what a great big dick her live-in boyfriend has... why in the world does this woman think she has any right to jump all over me about when it is the right time to have a baby? Like I am going to take family planning advice from a woman like that. It's a fucking mystery, I swear. And yes, I mean every goddamn word.
Anyway, rant over. Time for bed.
Edit: The continuation to this post can be found here.
I am using this entry as a place marker more than anything.
I attended one of Cheryle Hart's workshops this year, and before I did, I did quite a bit of Googling to see what I could find out about them, and what I found was pretty much nothing. Which is kind of odd, considering you can find just about anything on the internet if you look hard enough, and I consider myself pretty skilled when it comes to searching for things on the internet.
I have nothing bad to say about the workshop itself. Dr. Hart is very knowledgeable when it comes to hormones and weight loss.
I have not been terribly thrilled with the customer service I have experienced when dealing with the office, though, and that's what I'd like to write about.
However, that post will have to wait until they get off their butts and resolve my issue. What I write will depend on how they choose to resolve the issue.
As of now, the experience has been sub par. Sub sub sub par.
I hope to be able to give more details within the month, because it's definitely stuff I would've wanted to know before I chose to go through with the workshop.
I can't remember any time in my life where I've actually forced myself to finish something once I got the idea in my mind to quit.
High school? Quit
Massage school? Quit
A couple jobs I absolutely hated? Quit
Cello? Quit
Numerous attempts at eating healthy and losing weight? Quit
Well, that is going to change, starting with my first Body for Life challenge. You can read more about the challenge on my heath and fitness blog, A Fit Place.
It probably would've been a slightly better day if I hadn't had to go to my parent's house.
Several months ago I told my dad I would undertake a large photo scanning project... one which I've been putting off for awhile, as I am prone to do.
I've been getting more and more of it done lately, though, and I took some of the scanned photos over to my mom's today. My aunt and her daughter and boyfriend (husband?) are also in town.
It's times like this when the difference between me and my parents is glaringly obvious.
My mom started picking on me about food, basically. I don't think she intended for it to turn out that way, but it did.
They don't know anything about who I am now, and I don't think they really have any desire to learn.
Makes me sad.
Anyway, on a more positive note we are turning our garage into a gym. This week we are looking at a weight set that includes an adjustable bench, a weight tree, weights, a bar, and a leg press type thingy. We are also looking at getting a stair stepper, and a small set of free weights. All of that, along with the elliptical, and we should have a pretty complete little set up accessible to us.
I am trying to be more fit and more active. Monday I went hiking on Mineral Ridge and on the way down I managed to trip over a rock, sprain my left ankle and bash my right shin on the same rock. Tuesday I went to see the doctor since I've never sprained my ankle before, and he told me that I have a grade II sprain and that I need to wear a brace for 6 weeks. I was given the okay to continue hiking and backpacking as long as I wear the brace, and as long as I am not in pain.
Friday, we left for Blossom Lake. All in all, I hiked 9 miles this weekend on a 'gimp ankle' (as Aaron calls it) and after I got home and washed the layer of dirt off my legs I realized that both my ankles as well as my right shin (most of my lower leg, actually) are bruised pretty bad. I am not really in much pain, but I am irritated that I seem to be in such disrepair.
I am determined, however, to get in better shape and lose some weight. I am considering the Body For Life program, and I've ordered the book so I can check it out. I feel that I'm in a good place mentally and otherwise for a lifestyle change... gimp ankles and all. I've started a new blog where I hope I can stash all of the fitness and weight loss related stuff, and I will try to keep this mostly about day to day things and health stuff. In the past, I've been notoriously bad about doing that, because I guess I've always figured, "what's the point of having two blogs?" Maybe I can make that part of my lifestyle change, too.
Anyway, for the time being, I will give it a shot. No posts up yet, but for those interested, you can find all the weight loss and fitness related content over at: A Fit Place.
Well, the carrot cake was delicious. It had a slightly different texture than a wheat flour cake, but it passed my taste test and (most importantly) the husband taste test, so I consider that a win. I am thinking about trying it with apples, like a spice cake, and next time I do the cream cheese frosting I think I'll use another block of cheese and maybe half as much sugar. It was a little too sweet for me.
The night after my last post, we noticed that one of our cat's teeth was loose... a canine. The short version is that the little guy had to make 2 trips to the vet for an exam and an extraction. They ran blood work on him while he was there and said that he was in exceptional health for his age. The vet seemed very surprised. I picked him up from his surgery Tuesday after work and left for my trip Wednesday morning. We had a pretty good house sitter while we were gone, and I think he spent lots of time with him. When I got back yesterday he looked fairly content. Definitely not as anxious as he has been on previous trips.
The trip was good. The drive ended up being no problem, though on the way back I don't really remember much of the drive. And it seems like since I've been back there's been an endless list of things that need done, even though it's really no more than I normally do on any given week.
When I go on trips, especially to visit the rents-in-law, food is a slight problem. I like to eat at home, and that's difficult to do when you're not in your own kitchen. I made sure we had lots of quick protein (minimally processed turkey and ham lunch meat, and cream cheese), and we went out for burgers several times. I did eat lots of cookies, which I am not proud of, but the scale seemed no worse for the wear when I got home yesterday. Other than that, I just tried to make the best choice I could in each situation.
I got home around 5:30p yesterday, then ran to the store to pick up some stuff for chicken fried rice, which turned out... not so good. I picked up a rotisserie chicken to save time, and usually that works out very well. But not this time. The chicken I got (not from where I usually get them) had that weird slimy texture to the meat where you can tell that they injected it with tons of salt water and who knows what else to make the meat 'tender', but really it just makes the meat kinda gross. I added lots of veggies to the (whole grain, wild blend) rice, but it just didn't hit the spot. As a result I woke up very not hungry this morning, but since all I had to eat was more rice, that's all I had all day. Sub-par fried rice for breakfast, snack, and lunch.
Determined to make something better tonight, I picked up 2 pieces each of halibut and cod, and grilled up the halibut for tonight's dinner and tomorrows lunch, along with some zucchini. The halibut and zucchini, simple though it was, definitely hit the spot. I'm hoping the cod will do the same for me tomorrow :)
That's pretty much all that's going on here for now. I think I'll be off to have some baked cinnamon apples with (real, of course!) whipped cream.
ETA: We are going to go see Stone Temple Pilots in September! I am so excited... I've wanted to see them live for a long time, but the band split up years ago. Reunion tour, here I come!!
I feel like there is so much to write about, but when I sit down to write my mind goes a little blank.
Let's see... at the moment I've got 2 carrot cakes in the oven. But these are special carrot cakes.
This weekend Tropical Traditions was having a sale on coconut flour, which I've been wanting to try for awhile now, so I bought some. I had a feeling it would get here today, and then I got a craving for carrot cake, of all things... I ended up getting off early and lo-and-behold, there was my box of coconut flour and Rapadura sugar waiting for me.
I've heard good and bad things about baking with coconut flour, and it seems that the quality and moisture content varies a lot depending on which brand you get. I have to say that the batter tasted pretty good, and the cakes are rising nicely so far, so I'm hopeful it will turn out well.
On to more serious stuff...
In the week that my niece M was staying with my parents, she met up witha 25 year old guy, had sex with her half brother (who is now in jail, thank God), snuck out and got drunk, and then got picked up by the cops and returned to my parents. She is now back in juvenile hall. My sister is trying to get her into a mental health program, since the last program she was in kinda failed her. She memorized all the stuff and regurgitated it just to get out. Needless to say, we will not be taking her camping or hiking.
Sunday Aaron is flying over to be with his family for two weeks. I will drive over there probably Tuesday night and stay until Sunday, then he will fly back a week later. His mom is in the hospital due to a blockage in her intestines. The (almighty, omnipotent) doctors say she has 3 to 6 months left. I am really struggling with how to best support my husband, along with a lot of regrets that we haven't been able to spend more time with his parents. They really are wonderful people. I know that the doctors' estimate is just that... an estimate, and I try not to put much faith in that because many people live a lot longer than doctors 'give them'. But, I can't help but thinking... I just wish we had more time.
Heath wise, things are going pretty well. I quit taking my antidepressants about a week ago, and so far I haven't really noticed any ill effects. The only thing I'm dealing with right now is that I'm really tired, but I think that is mostly due to the expected arrival of my period. I have been in bed at 9:30 every night, and am having a hard time waking up when I'm supposed to. I'm going to stick to this supplement regimen for awhile, I think, and maybe add a few more in the coming months.
Food is going well. I switched my breakfast to a half of a yam, and a chicken and apple sausage. Then I have a generous portion of chicken and rice soup (with lots of carrots and celery) for a snack, and then lunch is leftovers. That's been working out really well. The yams and sausages I can cook on the weekend, and it only takes me about a minute to warm up and prepare in the mornings. A quick breakfast is essential, since I'm terrible about giving myself enough time in the mornings. Also, the yogurt that I was having for a snack just wasn't cutting it, despite the fact that it had relatively low sugar. The chicken soup is filling and delicious.
As of this morning I'm down about 6 lbs. Not bad for not really even trying! I am just so over killing myself to lose weight. I'm over punishing and rewarding myself with food. I'm actually over the IR Diet, too, I think. I know I was religious about it for awhile, and the basic premise is good.... Americans tend to eat far too many carbs and carbs should be linked with protein foods to slow their absorption. However, I don't agree with the low fat premise, the use of low fat 'foods', and the fact that they favor vegetable oils over natural fats such as butter.
Mind you, I also think that the Atkins Diet is ridiculous, especially the induction phase, but the fact that people can eat unlimited amounts of meat and fat and lose weight does say something, even if it doesn't say it well.
I am currently working my way through Good Calories Bad Calories, and my next read after that (hefty) book is Nourishing Traditions. Whatever I'm doing is working, and I'm not starving myself or binging.
I should probably tend to the carrot cakes.... preliminary smell, taste, and touch tests are promising!
It was an eventful, yet uneventful, weekend.
Friday was the 4th, and the bbq at my mom's house. All was well until we started eating and my sister called me outside.
It seems that my niece M feels that my mom doesn't listen to her, and blows her off. Hm... I had to laugh when my sister said that, because that's exactly what I told my dad would happen last Christmas, about the same time as the 'letter' thing. All of the stuff I had to tell them, but they didn't want to hear, is happening.
So, Friday was a little frantic. There was a lot of talking, crisis type stuff. I really feel for M. I didn't realize that her struggle to stay out of trouble would be quite so... palpable. You can see it on her face. There is so much frustration with her situation and she's fighting to keep from running again.
On top of that weird stuff with my mom, she finds my parent's house quite boring. She went from a place where she was constantly surrounded by other young girls, to living with my mom and my grandma. Boooooring.
I told her that Aaron and I would take her camping and/or hiking this summer, so Wednesday I'm going to go over to my parents and see what she has for shoes, and see what kind of gear she'll need to get.
After that fiasco, we went camping and spent 2 days at our 'default' camping spot. Came home, made dinner, ate some fruit, and am going to hop in the shower. Right now I've got some organic virgin coconut oil slathered on my hair and scalp, in hopes of getting the weird flakiness under control. I figure it can't hurt anything, right?
Diet is going pretty well... haven't been terribly hungry lately, and we didn't even finish all the food we brought camping. I ate bacon, eggs with cheese, 2 turkey sandwiches with swiss, 2 hot dogs with scant buns, and maybe a handful of chips. Oh, and 3 s'mores. That is far better than I normally do when camping.
Thus begins another week...
I don't know exactly what to post about!
Most of my time is spent cooking, exercising, and taking care of my health. I have lost 4 lbs in the last week or so, mostly from exercise. I am not eating low cal/low fat.... in fact, I'm not even watching my calories and I'm eating tons of fat (relatively). I'm trying to watch my carb intake a little, but I'm not killing myself over it. Basically, I will 1/2 a bun, or hollow out a bun, or eat a half sandwich, etc. I try to have smaller portions of pasta, or have rice but no tortilla. Something's working, since I've lost a little, but my hunch is that it's the exercise. I'm hardly ever hungry, so that's a nice reprieve from how things usually are.
We've done several hikes the last week or so. Last week we did Mineral ridge twice, extended our 'normal' walking route one evening, and hiked 6 miles on Canfield Mountain. Two weekends ago we hiked 8.5 miles in the Spirit Lake area. That is a funny story... instead of retyping the whole thing I'll paste a portion of an email I sent to a friend at the end of this post.
My med/supplement regimen has increased a bit. Right now I'm taking 1000 mg Glucophage, 150 mg WBxl, 750 mg l-Tyrosine, 5000mcg b-12 plus more b's and folate (NOW foods super b-12 or some such thing), 1 Carlson's super fish oil and 1 Carlson's super DHA. Plus the Armour and melatonin at night. It's a lot more than I prefer to be taking, but I suppose when we don't eat well and take care of ourselves, all these supplements have a place.
Tomorrow I have a follow up with the NP, and I'm going to ask about having the vitamin D and ferritin tests ordered. I've ordered some Spatone, which is an 'iron water' supplement. It's supposed to be pretty efficient at raising ferritin levels, and it was hard to find a US supplier. I found one, in all my googling. Last year when I had my ferritin drawn it was at 20, and it's supposed to be up around 70 to regrow hair, which I'm definitely interested in. My hair is pretty hopeless at the moment. Depressing but true.
No real plans this weekend, but Friday afternoon my parents are having a 4th bbq/welcome home for my niece M. We are going to try to go camping to get out of town.
Not much more that I can think of right now. I'll leave you with my Spirit Lake hike experience. Have a good laugh at my expense, lol.
As far as this weekend goes... wow. Uh, our plan was to go backpacking Saturday, so Friday night I prepared a dehydrated meal and got all our snacks and stuff ready and packed. Saturday morning I loaded up my pack and we hopped in the car and drove 3 hours to Priest Lake (it's in Idaho). As soon as we got out of the car, we noticed that there were a lot of mosquitoes. We had picked up a bottle of natural insect repellant the night before so we took it out and sprayed ourselves down. It worked great and we started out on the trail.
Maybe about 10 minutes into the hike, we ran into a couple guys on their way back. They said they had planned to stay at one of the campgrounds but there were too many skeeters! We thought, "eh... we've got this spray and it's working pretty good... we'll keep going".
Well, maybe we are dumb but we ran into 3 more sets of day hikers on their way back early because of all the mosquitoes, and we still kept going, hoping that when we got there they wouldn't be as bad.
The hike was 3 miles to the first campground on the lake, then 3 more miles to the campground we were going to. Halfway to the first campground, we'd reapplied the skeeter spray twice, and we couldn't stop to rest because there were so many mosquitoes, and they would just swarm you if you stopped moving. We stopped at the first campground to look around and then got on our way again... 1/2 way to the 2nd campground we finally decided to turn around because the mosquitoes were so damn bad that we couldn't keep our eyes on the trail because we were so busy swatting and slapping at our heads, arms and legs. They were so bad that even reapplying the spray didn't help, and we had used over 1/2 the bottle of spray trying to keep them away.
So, we turned around and hiked back (er... more like 'hauled ass'), drove the 3 hours home, another hour to one of our default camping spots, and spent the night there. Today I am absolutely covered in mosquito bites, worse than I've ever been before. I have seriously never seen mosquitoes that bad in my entire life. After we got back in the car we just said to ourselves, "what were we thinking?! We should've turned around way earlier". Well, we both wanted to check out the campsites, but on top of that, my husband didn't want to turn around because... he was trying to be manly and ignore the mosquitoes, and I didn't want to turn around because I didn't want to be the person that ruined the trip for him, lol (I have insisted that we leave on previous trips if the conditions were bad, and he'll go, but sometimes I know that it's disappointing to him).... at least it was a mutual decision.
I guess to answer your question, this weekend I hiked 8.5 miles with a 30 lb pack on my back, went camping, and treated my mosquito bites.
Another weekend is winding to a close. Here's what I've done:
Friday: prepared chicken potpie, had Aaron's coworker over for dinner. Prepared shrimp/cheese/basil pasta and dehydrated for Saturday's camping dinner.
Saturday: packed and shopped for camping. Found camping spot, cleaned up, set up tent, etc. Rehydrated meal, which tasted pretty darn good.
Sunday: cleaned up camp, went grocery shopping. Cleaned up kitchen, made potato salad, grilled bbq chicken sandwiches. Grilled extra chicken for Monday's dinner. Made pie crust for add'l pot pie. Watched movie, ate lots of cherries.
Now.... getting ready for work! We kept busy this weekened, though, and I walked tonight so I'm feeling pretty good.
Things are going alright on the metformin so far. I received an rx in the mail yesterday from Dr. Hart's office for metformin and a blood glucose monitor/strips/lancets. But no explanation as to why? I think I'm going to continue on as I'm doing and see how it goes.
